hmmm i just caught up, and idk... personally i think sarah has a reason to lie and try and start drama with the whole situation, so its probably her thats lying. the best thing to do, unfortunately, is probably not hang out with her again. she was the one who liked dwayne before you two started dating right? obviously she cant be happy that you could get him and she couldnt, which is really sad, but whatever. the best thing to do is stay away from her for awhile i think

love love love

I hope he's ok.  And I think in situations like this, it's best for your health to just trust him.  Eventually it'll come more and more naturally.  I kind of just got to skim this entry because it's really past my bedtime, haha, but I'll put more into it later because I really wanna know the whole story.

Also...about the baby thing.  I don't know what to do...I told him but he REALLY wants one and now he's talking about all of the things he'll do for us to make sure I don't have to work and whatever.  It makes me sad, lol, AND for the first time in my life, I'm freaking out that it'll make me FAT.  How horribly selfish is THAT?  DUH PREGNANT WOMEN GAIN WEIGHT.  Aaargh.  It's just ridiculous how MUCH I wanted a baby and now that he's agreed I'm freaking out.  Typical woman .

I would have to agree with everyone else on the fake person thing. That's kind of sneaky... well not kind of... it is. I've done the same thing though. Always backfired because it's pretty easy to know when someone is leading you into a trap. The way that they talk to you is just oddly familiar. Randy actually did that to me a few times. Not sure why though. Anyway...

Congrats on the car! And on the big O... man, I live for that LOL!

idk that all seems a little dramatic to me. clearly he made up plans and a marriage to get the girl to go away... it kinda seems like its just going to create problems rather than solve any.

love love love

i hate it when people ruin slacking

its just no fun for anyone

peace out

You guys would have such adorable babies :D!  They'd have those big cute brown eyes with long eyelashes and super gorgeous skin...........*sigh*  I'm probably not helping the situation though.

And cramps do suck.  I had them two days ago and it was horrible.  Women get all the bad stuff...

thats so weird that they wont give you that antibiotic! they seriously hand that out like its candy at my college!

love love love

I had to google that, but it seems like a lot of the symptoms are strikingly similar to depression.

I hate getting my blood drawn too.  What was wrong with that guy???  He must suck at his job.

I love doing the "domestic" stuff. Cooking dinner and cleaning. I just LOVE it as long as it isn't expected and still appreciated. LOL.

Anyway, I'm glad you had a good time. Hope you get to feeling better soon!

awww im so glad things are working out with dwayne... i definitely think hes a keeper! the important thing is that he does support you in what you do in life, even if its not right to him. a lot of people probably wouldnt do something like go to a meeting for a religion theyre not a part of.

he sounds so sweet!

love love love

I don't turn away hot guys when they approach me and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.  I'm one of the biggest flirts I know, BUT, so is Joe...I've been exactly the way you are and I just think that eventually the insecurity will go away.  Maybe you should just tell him about it.  What Joe did at the beginning of our relationship when I told him I was insecure about stuff is just tell me that if I was ever wondering where he was or who he was with that I was free to call and question him as much as I felt like it.  At first...I did it a lot.  Then it got boring because he was ALWAYS where he said he'd be so I stopped and now I trust him (THREE YEARS LATER).  It's not an easy thing to do and it takes work but if he's willing to be entirely transparent with you, then it'll eventually happen.  If not, keep being an FBI agent in training because he deserves it.

Good Luck :).

I wouldn't tx someone at night! It's kinda rude...

That IS creepy about your dream and the club.

Hope ya feel better soon!

Take care,

- Chris

Watching friends change into something that you don't much care for has to be one of the worst emotional blows ever.

I hope you feel better soon :).

I'm glad you had fun on your trip!  I'm really jealous you got to go, I totally wanna move there...so when we get our new president and our whole country becomes socialist because both candidates are insane...would you recommend living there?

I like the hair extension picture too :D.

Great pics! Glad you had fun!

awww i love when you put up pictures! theyre all so beautiful! youre so lucky you can take vacations to all these cool places!

you and dwayne = adorable

love love love

Aw, I'm sorry you're sick. Being sick SUCKS. I had pnuemonia a while ago, so I feel ya. At least you're feeling a little better. I hope you get better soon.

I don't think that makes you (or anyone) a bad person if you don't go to church. Everyone has their reasons. I stoped going because I had panic attacks and being in church made me panic. It's weird you wrote about church though cause that's what my last entry is about.

I'm sorry about Lolley. Being lonely is one of the WORST feelings IMO.... sucks.

Have a good time in Scotland! Take care,

- Chris

OOOH my goodness I'm so jealous.  You have to give major details and pictures and reviews and whatnot of Scotland.  I've never been there, but I hear it's nice, it looks gorgeous and I totally wanna move there when I have babies.  Just think of the way they'll talk!!!  <3<3<3

I'm sorry about Lolley :(  I hate it when someone I really love goes away, it kills me :'(.

aaaaaw those are so pretty! you gorgeous!

where the eff DIDDD chemi go??? no goodbyes? not even a notice?

ack. i think im her friend on myspace though, are you?

love love love

you are beautiful. =]

What was the party for??? Your mom seems awesome!! !

Having hair from a dead person would creep me out..................seriously *shudder*.

When I worked at ace, we sold birdseed and the moths were all over that, so they were all over the inside of the store.  I literally had to kill ten a day.  It's weird cuz when you step on them, the turn into powder.  Anywho, I hope you got it, I know what it's like to be scared of a bug and not wanting to sleep, lol.

I'm really glad that you and Dwayne seem to have gotten things sorted out :).

I definitely remember you saying he was going to make it up to you by taking you out for lunch.  I'm sorry about that, that really sucks.  There's no worse feeling in the world than waiting for something you're really looking forward to, then as the time comes nearer and nearer you start thinking he's never gonna call...then he doesn't and you just about feel worthless.

I always think that I'm the only one on this Earth with the capacity to remember plans.  I feel like whenever I have plans with ANYONE they forget and then I feel stupid for being all pathetic...cuz I never have anything important enough come up to justify ditching someone but apparently it happens to other people all the time!!!!!!!!!

Is "leaving do" a thing?  I always thought you were just saying it to be goofy or whatever, is that what it's officially called?  If so I'm gonna start calling them that because I love that phrase :).

I totally know how you feel about the jealousy thing. One of my myspace friends always does those surveys and I swear like every single answer has something to do with her wonderful husband or her daughter or her new house blah blah blah. And honestly I'm happy for her, but I want it too.

Funny enough though. Recently I found out that she does exaggerate things just a TAD. LOL.

Regardless, we all must remember, no one's life is perfect. We just have to strive to be the best people that we can be and live our lives to the fullest. Easier said than done though. I know.

Dwayne seems like a really good guy, and I think that if you are happy with him, you should stay with him. God understands everything. All of our thoughts and needs. And maybe there is a reason that God put Dwayne in your life.

Much Love!

I didn't go into work today either!!!  I'm super jealous of some people's lives too...when they're all like "I finished college early and I have this great job and I just bought a house and I have a perfect, rich husband and we're expecting twin boys and I don't even have morning sickness!"  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.

I feel your pain, believe me.  I live in AN ATTIC and I'M A BAJILLION DOLLARS IN DEBT and I'LL NEVER FINISH COLLEGE.  EVER.

Sooooooooooo...there ya go, and if you don't feel BETTER about your life, at least you know there's someone else out there whose life isn't a basket of peaches.

I'm really glad that your mom seemed to like Dwayne, that can be really horrible when your mom doesn't like your boyfriend.

I am sooooooooo jealous that you got to buy baby clothes, lol, I always look for an occasion to buy baby clothes because they're sooo cute and I'm crazy.  I'm definitely also jealous about the Greece thing...I need to go on vacation soon...I'm just so poor and lazy!

Making out with a married woman...lol, when I don't KNOW the couple I think it's pretty hardcore...I'm sure I'd think it was sad if I did though.

aww man things with dwayne... its good that hes someone that wants to work things out rather than argue though...hahah im like you, ill be sitting there shouting my ass off, and boytoy will be like "well, when you're done yelling at me i wouldnt mind talking." its so frustrating, but in the end, isnt it so much better to have someone like that?

good luck

love love love

yayyy for things working out

love love love

I was really really insecure when I was on the birth control patch and thinking Joe was going to leave me all the time.  And then, when I went on the pill, I got all relaxed and laid back.  I know you're not on the patch, lol, but maybe you should try being on the pill...I think it did something to my hormones that made me way more laid back and less super duper insecure and emotional.

It's good that he's not thinking your relationship is in trouble though, that's always nice to hear :).

:( that's EXACTLY how I was with my ex, he drove me up the effing wall because he didn't know how to use a phone >:O.  He N.E.V.E.R. called when he said he would, literally, maybe once a month he called within an hour of when he said he would, probably more like every two or three months.  AAAAAAAAAARGH I HATED HIM SO MUCH.  I think it's sooo rude to not answer texts right away, lol, I hate it.  And ya, the job sucks, but at least it's a job and he's starting somewhere, he has to start SOMEWHERE.

I'd be proud of him and not care what your parents think right now...worry about that stuff when you're ready to settle down and have children, then think about that kind of thing.  For now though, it's not like he's being a bad father to your children, so if he makes you happy and he's not HURTING your parents, then nothing else matters.

_{^{- You have the reflex of always leaving home with an umbrella no matter how sunny it is.}}

_{^{- You can tell when Arsenal, Chelsea, Tottenham, Fulham, West Ham or Charlton are playing because you can here people screaming from the pub down the road.}}

_{^{- You only know what’s going on in the world because of the slogans on the Evening Standard boards.}}

_{^{- The Millennium Dome. Enough said. - You have an Oyster Card.}}

_{^{- You’ve lost your Oyster Card.}}

_{^{- You go Christmas shopping on Oxford Street and/or High Street Kensington.}}

_{^{- You knew better than to go anywhere near Westminster Abbey when the Queen Mum died.}}

 _{^{- Big Ben’s really not that big a deal.}}

_{^{- The rest of the world seems inexpensive.}}

_{^{- You were happy that London got the Olympics for 5 minutes, until you realized what a nuisance it would be.}} 

 _{^{- Your parents have complained about the congestion charge.}}

 _{^{- You don’t actually know anyone who works at the Gherkin.}}

 _{^{- “Mind the gap”.}}

 _{^{- As we speak, there’s probably something wrong with the Piccadilly Line}}

_{^{. - You’re furious that Ken Livingston wants to do away with the double-decker.}}

 _{^{- Everyone has a story of how close they, or someone they know, were to taking the tube on 7/7.}}

_{^{- You love to hate that Jesuit with the loud speaker on Regents Street. You may even have gotten into an argument with him.}}

 _{^{- Oh, the sales...}}

_{^{- You’ve had the urge to hurt a pigeon.}}

_{^{- Things close when the Queen’s horses need to take a walk.}}

 _{^{- You know of the concept of Seasons, but you've never lived them. - It’s probably raining right now.}}

They apply to me .

What part of London are you from?

hahaha how do you figure tht you were a robot from all of this?! hahah

love love love

Let's HOPE.  In my experience, boys do not get hints or signals.

The other day we were watching Smallville and this girl Chloe tells Clark Kent that she's decided they're better off as just friends and he says ok and agrees that they probably are.

Then she's all mad and Joe was like "What's her problem???"  And I had to EXPLAIN to him that she just wanted him to FIGHT FOR HER A LITTLE.  I thought it was blatantly obvious and he totally missed it.

So, good luck.  I've given up and I just tell Joe exactly what I want all the time (unless I'm mad and I want him to wonder what's my problem) and we're a lot happier now than we were when we first started dating and I made him guess all the time.

Anyway, I think you should just TELL him I'm not getting in touch until you do for a little while because I don't think you try hard enough anymore.  Then he'll at least know what to do and he'll do it and you'll be happy.

well idk... i definitely dont think you should do anything at this time of the month!! hahah periods and hormones make everyone see the worst in people, so maybe after its over things will be clear.

but when he let you down for lunch, its not like for some lame reason like "oh i overslept" they seem like two really legit reasons which are understandable.

love love love

Hahaha...obeast, I love it!

Mark.

awww now i wanna g o to the zoo so bad! hahah i love the penguins, but i love giraffes too! my friend was in africa and said that giraffes are so funny because they're so arrogant. they're like the divas of the animal world.

omgggg how did you not get in trouble for having a party at work?! hahah thats awesome

love love love

I LOOOOOOOOOOOVE the zoo.  I think I'm gonna try to go now...I AM jealous.  But I HATE giraffes and the way that their jaws click when they chew.  It gives me the heebie jeebies.

I think you should call him and ask!!!!!!!!!  It's sad if that's the reason, and it probably means he never DID get over you if he had to break up with you for something like that.  I mean...you can always get tested and as emotionally draining as it would be if you had a baby like that...

And I'm sure he's probably unhappy, or at least she's crazy.  Unless his parents are those crazy parents that you see on Dr. Phil, the only reason they wouldn't like her is if she was awful to him.  I mean, I'm obnoxious as all get out, but Joe's parents still like ME because I'm good to him.  JAC on the other hand, well, you know, she's awful and they REAAAALLY don't like her.  Parents usually do know best (except in your dad's case when it's for such a groundless reason...you know).

That's so exciting!!!  Yay, I'm really glad he texted back.  What's up with having credit???  Is it a prepaid phone, or what?  Maybe I'm just out of the loop.

If I got drunk at work, I'd be fired...they must be a lot more lax about drinking there than they are here.

Must be week of the ex boyfriends. I didn't know what to think when Brandon called. I was like nervous/excited/ready to puke/pissed off all at the same time. So strange.

Thank you for the comments and well wishes, I really appreciate it.

Hope you and Dewayne have fun tomorrow!

Much Love,
K

AAAAAHHHH!!!

what did you say?

love love love

How did you contact him?  Letter?  Email?  I hope he replies.  You guys are like Rachel and Ross or something, haha.

I HAAAAAATE sexist pigs.  I used to work in a hardware store and I know all about them.  "Can I help you?"  "No thanks, I'll go ask him over there."  What sweet revenge when he found out the MALE he asked didn't know crap about anything and was referred back to me.  Then I could just say, nah, I'm too stupid cuz I'm a girl, perhaps you should go somewhere else?  AAAAArgh!!!!!!  I really feel your pain, when I think about things like that, they STILL irritate me.  It's no wonder I was a chain smoker when I worked retail.

i like your writing, i tend to ramble alot too;
but i think it helps for the most part

(:

I hear that when black men are soft they look bigger than other races, but then it doesn't grow much when it gets hard...whereas white guys are tiny when soft and then it like...triples in size.  I dunno.  If you want big, go italian ;).

I'm not comfy enough to be naked around JOE and he's my husband, hahaha, the first time he ever saw me 100% naked was on our HONEYMOON and we'd been together for three years and lived together for two, I still say "I'm changing, will you turn around?"  I guess I've stopped now that we're married because I feel weird about it, but I still want to...

HAPPY 1000TH!!!

I love the commercials for vagisil.  They're just so...open with certain terminology.  It embarasses me when something about feminine itching, burning, and odor comes on the tv and I'm with like...Joe's family, hahaha, namely his dad.

Man bits ARE ugly.  I'd much rather look at a naked woman than a naked man, women are softer and men are just HAIRY.

Actually, 5 partners is not a lot for a guy. That's just my oppionion though. I think it'll be a good thing if you guys do get married and all that. Because he knows what else is out there, and he's had enough experience to know what to do and all. The only bad part is he didn't get to lose his virginity to you.

Oh and the nekid thing... most men will strip down to nothing given the chance. And I agree, male parts are ugly. But I still love them NEways. LOL.

Hope you guys have fun at the Zoo! You should take pics and post.

Much love,
K

wait what exactly is thrush???

yayyyy for 1000!!!!!!

love love love

He sounds like a good guy! Ha, the snoring thing made me laugh. Just the way you described it... It sounds like snoring is a big pet peeve to you.

Stalker George won't give up! WTF? It's really creepy.

Well, take care. Have a good one,

- Chris

[MsChrispy]

Joe said I love you after knowing me for two weeks.  It took me more like a month...

And ALSO, Joe snores.  If he lays on his side, he won't snore, only if he's on his back, so maybe you could try shoving him so he sleeps on his side all the time.  I'm so used to it now that I just do it in my sleep and he obliges in his sleep, haha.

awww this is mushmush to the max

stalker george...just be like helllooo i have a boyfriend are you stupid? and be mean. because he needs to go away.

love love love

I'm really glad that your mom is happy for you, that's got to make you feel better about the situation.  This IS the 21st century...I think concerns about interracial couples ended awhile back, at least here.  Dwayne seems like he really cares about working on your relationship, not just taking it for granted.

And...I wouldn't recommend you moving in with Amanda.  If not for any other reason, think about the people she would invite into your home.  Would you trust your things with them?  Even if you trust her, she can't watch them every second.  Also, seeing as how you've said her life isn't exactly on the right track, while there's a chance you could help her to straighten up, there's also a big enough chance to not risk it that it could go the other way.

Anyhow, I hope you have a nice weekend!!!

yayayayayayyayyyy!!!

love love love

Aww. That's realy sweet!!! I'm really glad he's making an effort for you.

To Steven...what comes around goes around!

He should have married you...he sounds like he really grew up a lot.  She sounds just like Jac.  Blech.

That is nice that Dwayne made an effort, that's always nice to see in a guy instead of him just saying well this is who I am deal with it or don't...

I'm sure this is very difficult for you to go through. I can't really give you advice on this one, because I know what I've done in the past and that didn't work out in the long run. I chose a boy over EVERYTHING, and I ended up broken hearted and alone. I know that's a major fear of yours. Righfully so.  Luckily for me though, my friends welcomed me back with open arms, and now I know I will NEVER, EVER give them up for anything again. They are my world.

Good Luck Hun!

Well I'm glad that you're not letting your family influence you on your relationship choices. Afterall, we DO live in the 2000's and we are able to pick and choose our mates. This isn't like the days of arranged marriages and such. So shame on your dad for doing trying to set you up. He needs to just be happy for you.

And good for you for not talking to Sarah! Who needs friends like that anyway?

Hope all goes well with Dwayne Friday night!

Thanks for the comment too! LOL

Much Love,
K

well idk...it sounds like he supports you in your religion, and at this point it seems like thats the most you can ask for you know? i mean, i think while you guys are just hanging out and dating he should just support you and stuff like that, but when it gets REALLY serious, like a year or two from now, thats kinda when you need to have that talk with him. idk too many people who would completely convert for a girl if they dont know that they want to spend the rest of their life with her you know?? so just give it time.. but also, do you really want him to convert, even if he doesnt truly believe in what the religion says, just for the sake of being with you? it almost seems worse for someone to convert if they arent sincere in what they believe you know... like its an outfit or a pair of shoes rather than a set of values and beliefs.

love love love

That orange thing you were talking about...there's another quote, I think Plato said it?  I don't remember.  I also don't remember the exact quote, lol, so I'm going to be super helpful, but it reminded me of something in an ethics class I took, and it talked about how a human's soul was split at birth and its other half was given to someone else, so when you find your soulmate, it's like you're completing your soul.  I wish I could find it exactly, but I can't...

I suppose if you would like to go by that logic, then being with someone in a different religion wouldn't work.  And what concerns me more than another religion is that you said he only wanted to hang out in his room.  That's how my ex Andy was.  At first it was swell and everything, but after awhile, when we got closer and spent more and more time together, it made me feel really isolated and depressed.  I hope that doesn't happen :-/.

And what you said about "just some guy" marrying you made me laugh...Joe's Kung Fu teacher married us, lol.  But we're going to go get it officiated in the church by our first anniversary.

i guess thats just a sad reality of today... my brother is in an interracial relationship, and my family hardly notices at all. we were just happy that he found someone hes in love with (i know thats a bit early to say for you) and that cared for him. to us, as long as hes happy, then thats all that matters. but i know theyve gone through a lot of hardships being an interracial couple, even in the VERY VERY liberal north. i couldnt even imagine how much harder it would be for him here in the south.

i dont really know how racial relations are where you live, but i hope people leave you guys the f*** alone. as long as you are happy and hes happy, then it really doesnt matter. and if/when someone comments on it, just tell them that that kind of thinking is soooooo eighteenth century of them.

love love love

hahaha when i read the marvo thing, i thought it was just a really fabulous, trendy way of saying marvelous... i thought he was happy... idk kind of made me smile.

and if they dont like it f***emmmmmmmm!

love love love

hey missy thats what you get for giving your number out while you have a boyfriend!! i guess youre just going to have to be mean to stalker george before he gets the hint that he needs to go away...

idk, i think stevens mom must have told you that just to scare the poo out of you. i know thats a pretty popular myth or whatever, but im pretty sure that sperm dies when its exposed out in the open (like on your stomach). or its not really fertile anymore. or idk, but i HIGHLY DOUBT that you could conceive a child by having come on your tummy like she did...or maybe shes just the unluckiest person alive. idk. just sounds like a "this is what im going to tell my kids gf so they dont have sex!" story.

love love love

I'm not a doctor or anything but i'm pretty sure some sort of vaginal contact must be had to get pregnant. Maybe not with his... ya know... but if he came on his hand and then had his hands in your area it would be possible. Other than that I don't know how just cumming on your stomach or legs could cause sperm to travel up into your vagina through your cervix and up to the egg. Not trying to call your friends mom a liar or anything, but that's just a little far fetched for me.

Anyway, Stalker George sounds kinda infatuated with you. LOL. Good for you for being a good girlfriend though!

Wait...Stephen's mom conceived MORE THAN ONE child without actually having sex???  She must be hyperfertile.  That's amazing.  I've only heard of that happening to one person I actually knew before, and only once.  That's super impressive.  I'm glad you're not pregnant...that would be too rough to have a child with someone you only just started dating.

She's just like my old friend, Emily.  She went from not even allowing anybody around her to drink without causing a scene and saving herself for marriage to drinking, smoking pot, smoking cigarettes, sleeping with every guy AND GIRL that seemed interested and just generally doing just about anything everyone around her was doing.  She also got faaaaaaaaat.  Then she got skinny again.  Now I think she's somewhere in between and just generally messed up.  It's sad to see that.  It makes me feel sick to my stomach to see things like that happen.

I'm about to update and add captions so you can tell what's going on in the pictures...

Wow. That sounds like one crazy day!!

Hearing how Amanda used to be, and how you just explained her in this entry, is weird. I've never seen someone change that fast for the worse. Some people just get caught up the life of drugs. Some people, once they get into it, will finally realize, insanly enough, when they're on the drugs, how much they hate drugs. I hope she realizes this sooner than later!

Sounds like a chaotic weekend. Fun, but chaotic LOL.

Isn't it funny how people can change almost overnight. It's crazy and I know exactly what you mean.

And good for you for telling that Sarah girl just how you feel. She needs to know she's been a bad friend.

That's good DWAYNE is good to you! Geez, your one friend sucks. I know this is random, but I admire you for being able to go out and do stuff without having anxiety about it..... IDK. Take care,

- Chris

omg i know! i remember one time we saw like a european car...like one they dont sell here, and it was SO TINY! i was like holy crap, how do people even fit in that thing?! jeezzz...if you ran into something wouldnt you be smooshed to pieces in those cars?

love love love

It could be that SHE'S the crazy one and that it's not his fault at all that his marriage isn't working out.  I'm sure that having a child will have straightened him out a little bit, I mean, he HAS to support him, that does a lot to a person to make them be responsible if they actually care.  Not that ALL fathers are that way, but most..........

And we should put Jac and Louise in a room together and just watch while they over-dramatize each other to death.

I dated a guy for awhile that thought tan lines were the sexiest things in the world, maybe he does too...

And whenever I get insecure about being with a new guy, I just tell myself...HE'S the one that wants to see it, I'm not like begging him to let me get naked, haha, it's really HIS choice, and I guess the first time is a little scary but a